According to the dictionary, a friend is “a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations”. Hm. Not sure I entirely buy into that (explanations later), but certainly, in these days of Facebook “friends” by the thousand, the absolute definition of a friend could be up for redefinition.
At school of, of course, you had friends by the dozen but as time passed, they were winnowed down to a cherished few, lightly garnished with the occaisional new friendship until a stable core was achieved. So it’s been with me, although I have never had that many friends at any given time, and overwhelmingly my best friend has been my then partner (hence the “hm” above). I don’t think I’ve ever had a male friend who I’ve confided deeply in the way I have with women, but then I’ve always got on better with girls: I’m not a “blokey” man and have always been something of a loner. I suspect there are people who regard me as a friend who would be surprised, and not a little disconcerted, to learn that I don’t really regard them the same way. No offence intended, I’m just picky with who I share myself with. Within one of my consuming interests, I’m regarded as something of an expert, and I’ve many “friends” in that world… but outside of our shared love of/obsession with this particular subject, I know next to nothing about them, and vice versa. My Facebook friends, of necessity, have a broader grasp of my life but even there limits and filters intervene. As I’ve said above, my “best friend” has usually been my partner of the time, someone who I confide in deeply and open up to regularly, and that suits me fine. In general, I’m not an open book and I rather like it that way, and these days making new friends can be both problematic and hard work. Better to have just the one than spread myself more thinly, I think. Much rather invest my time and energies where I know they’ll be fully reciprocated: experience speaking here.
And yes, since you ask, I do have a best friend right now, and I very much hope she’ll be the last one. I’d like that very much.
